Friday, 29 May 2015

The Cinderella Complex. Why are we still single ?

There have never been so many single people. I'm one of them, with lots of experience ! 
Being single is like being unemployed. The longer you're out of the relationship market, 
the harder it is to get back in there. Potential partners are suspicious of dating someone who's been single for too long. Why would they date us if one no one else does ? Do we have hidden problems? 
There's many great things about being single we refuse to acknowledge, such as our freedom to 
do what we want, when we want etc, also not having to be responsible for others, but most 
single people always feel this deep longing for some one special. From the day we're born, 
marriage and romance are drummed into us. If we're not committed there's something 
seriously wrong with us. Now in the era of marriage equality this even applies to 
gay people too ! I personally believe many of us enjoy being single to the point we won't give 
it up unless someone special comes along, but our standards and expectations of each 
other are so high, that person doesn't exist or they don't want us. On a financial and practical level
most singles manage well, we want a partner for the company and to fill our hearts. 
When we're young, attractive, energetic, hopeful and horny, we make a go if it, and so do others 
in return. Guided by our quest for mr or miss right, we search and search. My advice to the young 
just starting out is to get into relationships as early as possible, because the young are 
still adaptable, get used to sharing, learn to  put up with other people etc. 
With romance or relationships luck is on youths side. 
Down track,  if single for too long, we become set in our ways, picky, fussy, like a shopper who can't make up their mind what to purchase. We may act like consumers but upsetingly be seen as undesirable products by those we seek. 
No matter how young at heart we are, time does terrible things to us, we become tired, neurotic, unattractive. We may wish for love but stop making the effort. 
One the biggest reasons middle aged people are still single is because we won't settle for some one our equal, I don't want to be with another average, frumpy, difficult person like me !!!!
The mirror we can't face is a confronting one, so we fantasise about some one attractive, younger, who will love us the way we are...well unless we're famous, powerful, generously wealthy, the chances are slimmer as we become fatter.... 
Everyday online I get approached by people wanting to date me, but when I look at them, I think are you kidding ? You're awful. How dare they even think I would be interested in them, and the same happens to me when I message people who block me, never get back, or just say "You're not my type."  Our souls become fragile. It's easy reject others but being rejected hurts. The singles scene is draining, it does my head in. Everyone is told to look for love online, but there's no romance or conversations, dating sites feel like online shopping. Many people are shy or private, they don't enjoy  putting their pictures or personal details up online trying to publicly hock themselves off like a used car.
There's so much pressure to be in a relationship. Everyone keeps asking, it's so annoying. We're made
to feel incomplete unless we're committed. Society favours the married, yet too many people are divorced. At least they give it a go.
If you're young and attractive, you don't have to want anyone, because everyone wants you, but if you're older, average looking and hungry for love, it seems a turn off to everyone in general. 
Society or the tax department doesn't favour single people. It's all about the mums and dads with
their kids, like they've gone to battle, they've made the ultimate sacrifice, they're more respected.
The ageing singles are silently overlooked, stockpiled on a shelf somewhere, invisible. 
Single people, aren't celebrated. We don't have national singles weeks. If single people said on TV how great it's to be on "their own" no one would listen, singles are seen as selfish, or not accepted amongst traditional family structures, we feel left out or are a threat to couples, we may try to snatch or break up the committed. Being single is a social crime. No wonder people withdraw. 
If we're single for too long, we set up our lives, homes, finances, it becomes harder to let someone in.
We worry about our security, what if they have nothing to contribute ? Will be be taken advantage of?
So we turn to chocolate, or booze to smooth our weary souls. 
I hope I meet the right person before I'm too fat, grey, old and bald. 

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